One of the ways that God met me in my pain was through revealing a new way that Holy Spirit communicated to me. Evenings and nights were especially hard and I would lie in bed and cry out to God, seemingly with no response. Then I started noticing that songs would pop into my head. Having the weird quirk of songs following me around (does anyone else have Jingle Bells their head constantly? No, just me?) I think it took me a long time to realize WHICH songs were popping up. Finally I started noticing a correlation between what I was pleading for or struggling with and which songs I began hearing. I think it began with the thought, "Oh how about that, this song just appeared in my head and the lyrics are perfectly what I needed right now." Then slowly it dawned on me that these songs could be have PUT in my head. Then I really started paying attention and even would pray, Lord give me a song.
During the hardest part of that time two songs seemed to be on repeat. "Trust and Obey", and "Great is Thy Faithfulness." Now around this time my prayers were taking the shape of "Where are you in this? Why is this happening? Where is the "good" Father I've been promised? Where is the meaning in this?"
Now let me say, "Trust and Obey" was NOT what I was looking for from God. That was not the answer I was asking for at all. But it was what I needed. Actually what I deserved was a smack down a la' Job...to be put in my place. But my gracious Father gave me a song instead. A song of love and promise.
But as I began to listen to ALL the words of the song I heard them anew,
"Refrain:Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.
But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows.
Refrain:Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey." (abbreviated)
Then He followed it up with this:
"Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
there is no shadow of turning with thee;
thou changest not, thy compassions, they fail not;
as thou hast been thou forever will be.
Great is thy faithfulness! Great is thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
all I have needed thy hand hath provided;
great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! Refrain" (abbreviated)
"Thy compassions, they fail not.. Bright hope for tomorrow. Morning by morning new mercies I see." Yes, please! That is the message my soul needed. And slowly I began to realize that these songs popping in my head where sweet reminders of truth and insights into what God was doing. They were love songs that He had planted and were bearing fruit in me when I most needed them.
This was just one more way that God reached me. I could almost see him sifting through all the useless songs, digging up some long forgotten chorus or a line from a hymn, Amy Grant, old camp songs, Psalty, the radio favorite...anything He'd pull from to get His message of love across to me. The message was soft and sweet and gentle and it whispered, "I'm here. I hear you. I know you are suffering and you don't understand. I haven't forgotten you. I am using this. I am working. You are laying there miserable because you can't see what's going on but this is part of my plan of goodness for you. Here's a song of love for you. I know what you need when you need it. Here's another one just so you feel loved and cared for."
Zephaniah 3:17 says,
"The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."