Yesterday was a "light breaking through" day for me. Since coming back from Austria I have been sitting in darkness. The thing is I didn't know it. I felt...off. And I felt discouraged and worn out. But I didn't realize I was sinking into darkness. But I had been listening to the liar's lies. "Did God really do those things for you? Did you really receive freedom? Are things really going to be different? Do things FEEL different? Maybe they aren't. Maybe your freedom didn't stick. Maybe it was all a dream. Wishful thinking"
Liars lie. But we listen and then suddenly we are doubting. Darkness.
Sometimes God sabotages my plans. My agenda got thwarted and I found myself not hiding in my house as I'd planned, but running into friend after friend. As good friends do they asked how my time was. I did not want to answer because I was not feeling it. I was not feeling the freedom or the glory anymore. I wanted to stay curled up in my darkness. Sulky darkness. That sounded better to me. Even typing that it just sounds ridiculous. Thank God He doesn't leave us there.
So, I began to tell them. Freedom. Redemption. Newness. Healing. I told my stories. And as I spoke I heard it again in my heart. YES. Those things did happen. YES. Jesus did work healing and freedom in me. YES. Things will be different because I am different. It's lasting, it's real, it's light.
Light, pouring into my darkness. My eyes can see again. Goodness I fell for that snake. I started to believe the lies. Lost sight of my gifts.
Forgive me, Father.
Thank you for loving me enough to shine your light into the darkness. Again and again. Beautiful light.
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."